Stepkids (love em or hate em they come with the territory)

We’re currently in a quandary, one of my husbands childrens does not seem to want to visit anymore.

She did well, called on his 50th birthday, sent a text late into the evening on Fathers Day and called when she found out we got married and was chuffed about that so as far as we know there is no reason but she was invited for our Wedding Reception and did not come, she was instead coming this week, but on review that is not happening so instead she’ll come next weekend, the weekend her father told her we wouldn’t be around for as we have a family do on Friday and are then away to celebrate my sisters birthday for the weekend.

We get she is a teenager (17) and with that comes the oh god no mum and dad thing, she lives with her mum and that is in a City where as we live in a smaller town so as she is older that does mean a 30 minute train ride and 5 minute walk from there to our home, but the constant yes I am, oohhh actually no I’m not and sometimes at 5pm when my husband has been waiting all day for her to arrive are getting a little to commonplace.

We stick to our word, if we say we are doing something we do it, and if we can’t we apologise and make new arrangements that we stick too so in that respect she does not get this from her Dad.  Her Mum has a history of I’ll do this, yes I will, have you behaved enough for me to do it, Is your room tidy enough, yes I will, hmmmm yes I will but in reality vary rarely does anything so can see that in her current world this is normal as it is in essence what is done to her, but how do you get someone to see that it is not acceptable in another world because that is not the way that it should happen ???

All very troubling and upsetting for my husband, I try to say don’t react, she is a teenager, remember what you were like, the only difference is she is not living with you or it would be here she is sat in her bedroom talking to friends rather than at her Mums doing it, but it hurts him, it has and continues to make him sad and cry and if I say anything I risk being the negative monster that her Mum and Sister make me out to be so have to keep out and hope that she will see.

So what do you do ?



2 thoughts on “Stepkids (love em or hate em they come with the territory)

  1. We had a similar problem with my husbands daughter. Here’s the thing…our kids are not ours to keep. You birth them to raise them up and set them free. So at the end of the day, you have your spouse and that’s it. So we resigned to accept the fact she’s set free. We are always going to be here for her no matter what, but we aren’t going to expect her to do anything more than she’s doing. She’s growing up and busy and all of our children are going to leave us. So love on her extra when she does come around, and live life to the fullest when she doesn’t. It gets easier when you drop expectations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are right, it’s been a horrid process for my Husband truly horrid, but since we married he has been stronger if that is the word to use, he knows it is not him which I think has been the hardest thing to realise, he gets hurt though with the raised hopes, the forgotten promises, but he also gets stronger, they are not my kids, I hurt for him but also because I know deep down they are good kids, but I also know you’ve got to let go of the ones you love, if they come back then great but you can’t make them come back.


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